What are people's opinions on COACHES DATING PLAYERS?

[JHawkIAm]

I know it goes on all the time... any thoughts? Does anybody know any specifics?

[neutralfan34]

Coaches dating players??? Wow...that's an odd question. why do you ask?

[mred]

A coach who dates a player is just asking to be fired. Professors and students can't date, so I assume schools would say the same thing about coaches and players.

[swok34]

I absolutely agree with mred....also think doing so not only compromises the team, but affects the entire chemistry a team may or may not have.

jhawkIAm.....are you a Kansas fan? We sure need one here who can give us input into the Washington think-tank.

[JHawkIAm]

well, I was friends with one of the players at KU and she's not sure if she should tell anybody about one of the assistant coaches who's dating one of the players... they've been going at it for quite some time, now.

[HuskerFan86]

I know that a few seasons ago former Husker Anna DeForge had a relationship with the coach of the Detroit Shock. I know that both of them went through a lot of grief and negative feelings from the team. I think that a coach-player relationship is doomed to fail, and just isn't worth it. BTW, both DeForge and the coach are no longer employed by the WNBA...

[Bob_Ballew]

Well, the cat is out of the bag now. Could this just be a fabricated rumor?

A COACH SHOULD NOT DATE A PLAYER!

That is a disaster waiting to happen. Nothing good will come from a situation like that. A coach should know better than to get involved with a player. Both the coach and the player should be disciplined in my opinion if it is confirmed to be true. I have some first hand experience with this situation, speaking from the administration's perspective.

[KSUron]

Zo, I don't disagree with what you said but from one administrator to another I would lean a LOT harder on the coach. "In loco parentis" may not fly as a legal theory in this sort of case any more but I sure do think that there is a LARGE difference in status and responsibility between a coach and a player and thats true no matter the gender of the people involved. The coach should be looking after the players with the same care as a parent. Not taking advantage of his or her position.

JHawkIam, I don't know if I buy into the idea that it goes on all the time. When it does it is often very destructive to all concerned. My sympathies to you and your friend.

As to what to do if this is indeed going on I can't tell you because I don't know the specific policies and personnel at KU. I would say that as a general rule this should be taken up with a trusted advisor who does know those things at KU. I would hope that some doors are open for you, and if they aren't you may need to find somone in authority who will listen and help you open doors. Remember, however, that if you don't have first hand knowledge the facts may or may not be what you think.

I would also advise that you not say more about this in a public forum like this without trying to pursue a solution through KU first. I would be happy to respond to you privately if you e-mail me at the addy in my profile but you may be better off finding someone you can trust at KU. Good luck.

[OhMandy]

While I think a coach and player should not be dating while that player is still playing. Is there any harm in a coach dating a former player? If so, how much time is long enough before it's ok for a coach and former player to date? I mean the storied US Women's soccer team has two or three members who are married to their former college head coach.

Also if you're a booster or fan is it right to date a player? I think Mandy Nightengale is GORGEOUS. Would it be ok if I asked Mandy out and if by some miracle she said Yes, would it be ok if we started dating? BTW speaking of Mandy she was in SI in the Faces in the Crowd, not for her basketball skills, but her water skiing skills. The SI with Greg Lemond on the cover.

[ChipperF1]

Coaches dating players. Players dating players. It oughta be 100% verboten, however we are dealing with something that can't be easily legislated, and that is the heart.

The heart wants what it wants even if it flies in the face of logic or in the face of regulation. Even though chemistry may suffer. Team morale will be effected and authority can often be undermined. Some folks will take that gamble.

I'd even extended such thought to player relationships in-season. While you can't just institute a hard and fast rule about such things, it is a touchy situation. I've known some athletes who shut down a relationship during the season, to concentrate on the game. I've known others who have found a way to make it work out.

"Also if you're a booster or fan is it right to date a player?

Can't see why not, as long as the player or coach involved (hey, coach have needs, too), and the other person involved set realistic ground rules early on, and communicate like in any relationship it won't be a problem.

I dated an a coach a few years back, and it was wonderful, but during the season it was stressful because of the worries of running a team, and trying to win games and everything involved with a ballclub. I gained an appreciation for the people who do make themselves a part of people lives as that "better half" of a coach or a player. Look at the number of Big 12 coaches who are married or have kids.

Imagine what those people do go through in a season. First you deal with just the stress of getting things ready. Preseason pressure and such. Then you deal with the season and if all hell breaks lose it is strain on a relationship, because that other person will bring that home. For example, the night your honey shoots 0-for-13 and gets booed, that will come home with him or her. The night the team loses their 4th straight. It's more than a ballgame, it is piece of that person's life like anything else in anyone's life. The only difference, we get to see their office. We see their place of business. It is all on public display, and its a harsh light.

Ten Fundmental Truths About Dating A High-Level Athlete or Coach.

1. They are a human beings. Not superhuman or machines, but a lot of people see them as superhuman or machines. Don't be one of those people.
2. If they are worth their weight in scooby snacks, they will take losing pretty hard. They'll take bad performance pretty hard.
3. They don't wanna talk shop all the time. In fact, they probably wanna talk sports as little as possible when they are with you.
4. During the season, you won't see them as much as you want to, but they'll always wanna know that you are there.
5. Get to know the equipment manager. He or she will make sure that a single rose will survive a 6-hour bus trip in a duffel bag, and they'll make sure the valentine's day card will be strategically placed where she will get it before the game starts.
6. Slumps. They happen.
7. Benchings. They happen.
8. She's a public figure, even a limited one. When you are the coffee shop or ice cream shop or at church, people are going to want to seek her out, for whatever. Its a pain in a butt, but part of the drill.
9. Your significant other once in awhile will be called very unflattering things by fans. Your beloved will be blasted for bad decisions or poor play. That person will be in the crosshairs and if thing go south they will be shot at. And sometime you will be in the stands to hear it.
10. If they hit the winning shot, hug them. If they commit the critical turnover, hug them. Always look at triumph and disaster and treat that imposter just the same.

[elfdenmom]

It is tough being a parent, too.

I don't think you can legislate players dating players, but I would VERY strongly discourage coaches dating players. That is a no win situation with the team and on the team.